Family Ties That Bind
by Doug2
Summary: Darrin and Samantha attend a party that honors her father Maurice where Darrin runs into all of his mischievous inlaws.


1

The Family Ties That Bind

DISCLAIMER

All characters in this story belong to Columbia Pictures.

Tabitha Stephens was hanging up a January 2000 calendar in her office and wondered to herself how many new centuries she would see in her lifetime. Being only half-witch and living in the mortal world put her in awe of her time ahead. All of her friends were mortals and she did not see many of her Mother's relations very often. In terms of the mortal world she had done very well for her thirty-five years. As the Vice-president and part owner of Tate, Stephens and Stephens, she was the company's chief account executive and director of all the account executives in the company.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a rumpling in the corner of her office. Her supply cabinet was rocking back and forth appearing very spooky.

"Hello there. Who is it?" asked Tabitha as she approached it opening the two doors. Inside she found an older woman wearing a black hat with a large brim and a fox stole looking very confused.

"Aunt Clara! How nice to she you!" said a surprised Tabitha. She grinned while helping her step out of the cabinet.

"Well, well, hello Samantha, I mean Tabitha. You know, you look more like your Mother everyday. I really came here to see Darrin. I t-t-t-thought this was his office," asked Clara looking around nervously.

"This used to be his office. You're landing was fine, you're destination was a bit dated. It is awfully good to see you," she said giving her a big hug. "Dad is just next door. I will let him know you're here," she replied while pressing the intercom.

"Dad, you got a minute? You'll never guess who just popped in!" she announced with just a bit of mystery.

"Popped in? What do you mean popped in? Never mind. Come on in," Darrin Stevens said dreading a visit from one of his in-laws.

The connecting door between their offices opened and in walked Tabitha and her great-aunt.

"Why AUNT CLARA, it is a pleasure to see you!" said Darrin with true affection and a sense of relief. She was the favorite of his wife's in-laws and the only one who truly liked him. "It's been too long. Have a seat."

"Why thank-you Darrin. It's marvelous to see you working with Tabitha. I just don't get down here as much as I used to. I wanted to ask you to come to a party that I am giving for Maurice. He was just given the Warlock of the Millennium Award and everyone is going to be there. I just couldn't give the party without you and Samantha. You know, you are my favorite nephew, Darrin, bless your heart," explained Clara patting him on the chest.

"Aunt Clara, I'm you're only nephew," Darrin said reminding her.

Clara shook her head and then looked off into the distance. "W-w-well, yes. That's right, isn't it? Oh my goodness. Anyway, it will be Saturday night at the Top-of-the-Rock. S-S-Samantha knows where it is. It would mean so much that you and Samantha and Tabitha and Adam would be there," said Clara.

"Sam and I will be there. I wouldn't want to disappoint you, Aunt Clara," replied Darrin.

"You can count on me, too!" chirped Tabitha.

Clara clasped her hands together. "Oh, that's w-w-wonderful. I will see you all on Saturday. If you excuse me, I must go and invite the other guests. Tabitha, would you please give me a boost?" asked Clara.

"Gladly," said Tabitha twitching her nose.

"Good bye, all," Clara called as she vanished from Darrin's office.

"Good-bye!" called out Darrin as he looked vaguely up at the ceiling. "Tabitha, please not at the office!" Darrin said sternly as his eyeballs slightly protruded from their sockets.

A cute little smile appeared on her face. "Sorry, Dad. She just needs a little help with her magic now and then. Besides I've been a good little witch. Weeelll, pretty good. The party sounds exciting. I haven't seen most many of my relatives in years!" said Tabitha.

"Oh, it should be quite an experience, I have no doubt." said Darrin not too convincingly.

"See you later," said Tabitha as she headed back to her own office.

"It WILL be quite an experience. Of that I have no doubt!" he thought as he dialed his home number.

"Stephen's residence," said the person on the other end of the line.

"Hi Sam. It's me. You'll never guess who just visited me here at the office," Darren said challenging his wife.

"Oh, I don't know. Louise Tate, Dave Henshaw. Who?" guessed Samantha.

"No, guess who popped in!" continued Darrin.

"Darrin, really. I'm a witch, not a physic," teased Samantha.

"Your Aunt Clara." announced Darrin.

Samantha's eyes lit up at the thought of her aunt. "Aunt Clara, down here? We'll, what do you know. What did she want, sweetheart?" asked Samantha.

"All of us Stephens have been invited to a party at the "Top-of-the-Rock" to honor your father. I knew it would mean a lot to you and I went ahead and accepted. Tabitha also accepted and can come with us," explained Darrin.

"Darrin, the "Top-of-the-Rock" is on the geisha strip in the witch's realm. There will probably be only witches and warlocks and all my relatives at the party. Are you sure that is where you want to be on Saturday night?" asked Samantha.

Darrin's eyes blazed. "WHERE IS IT? I thought it was some new restaurant here in town. And ALL my in-laws? This is just great!" said a very surprised and exasperated Darrin.

"You accepted the invitation, sweetheart. I'll try and find Aunt Clara and fix things up," said Samantha as she raised her hands to pop out.

Darrin shook his head. "No, sweetheart. You don't have to do that on my account. I don't want to hurt Aunt Clara's feelings. We'll go. I just hope my heart can take it!" exclaimed Darrin.

"You have s very strong heart. And a very loving one too. That is a very sweet thing to do for my Aunt. Thank you, darling. I've got to run. Rummage sale meeting, you know. Love you. Bye, dear," she said as she hung up.

"Yea, I have a strong heart and a soft head. What a reunion this is going to make," Darrin thought as he sat back in his chair.

That Saturday night at the Top-of-the-Rock, Clara was all dressed up welcoming her guests. Most of her relatives had already arrived when in walked the Stephens.

"Why, S-s-samantha, Darrin, how good of you to come. And Tabitha and Adam. It's so good to see you all together!" said Clara welcoming them warmly.

"Aunt Clara, it's been too long. And you look so chic. That color really brings out the sparkle in your eyes. We wouldn't miss honoring Daddy for the world." said Samantha giving her aunt a little kiss on the cheek.

"Hello, Aunt Clara. It's good to see you, again. Thank-you for inviting us," said Darrin also giving her a little kiss.

"Let's go in and mingle, darling," suggested Samantha taking her husband's arm.

"Whatever you say, Sam. Here we go!" Darrin said shaking his head with a worried look on his face.

"DADDY, it's so good to see you!" called out Samantha. "Congratulations! I'm so proud of you!" She reached up and gave him a big hug.

Maurice looked deep into his daughter's eyes. "Samantha, my darling. You look radiant!" he said raising his arm and reciting:

"There is always room for beauty, memory,

A myriad lovely blossoms may enclose,

But, whats'er hath been, there still must be,

Room for another rose."

"That's lovely. Thank you, Daddy," glowed Samantha giving him a little kiss. "Well, it's your big night. That's quite an honor. Warlock of the Millenium!"

"The award itself is really nothing. It only given to the finest warlocks. I don't know what took them so long to get to me," hinted Maurice quietly.

"Sir, I like to congratulate you, also," said Darrin with a firm handshake.

"Why thank you, Dolphin! You're looking very..uh...distinguished these days," said Maurice looking for a compliment for a mere mortal.

"The name is Darrin," he said with a sigh.

"Darrin, please," warned Samantha trying to stand in-between her husband and her father.

"Let me see. Darwin, Darius, Daphne, Darryl, Daemon, Douglas, Daniel, David, Danish, Damsel, Damper, Dabble, Damascus, Damnation, D..." said Maurice trying very hard to come up with his name.

Darrin looked to the sky and admitted defeat. "Forget it. After all these years I'll settle for Darwin." said Darrin.

Maurice turned and announced to the world. "Then Darwin, it shall be. Would you please excuse me? I must go talk to Maximilian. Till later, my darling. Darwin." Maurice said as he walked over to another distinguished-looking warlock.

Darrin looked around and then whispered, "I still think he does that on purpose. No one ever gets my name right."

"Now come on, darling. There are still several people here who would love to see you again," Samantha reminded her husband.

"I doubt it being the token mortal here. But for your sake, let's go and find them. I need something to pick me up," concluded Darrin who turned around and found himself starring into Endora's face who looked especially displeased.

"Hello, DUR-WOOD," said Endora very sarcastically.

"Endora! What..a..surprise and ...pleasure!" Darrin said trying to be pleasant.

"What are YOU doing here? Mortals are NOT allowed here in our domain," she said as she raised her hand.

Samantha began to raise her hand and then stopped. "Mother, STOP it! Darrin was invited, just as we all were. He is my husband and has the same right to be here as myself, or Tabitha or Adam. Besides, he wanted to honor Daddy tonight. Now let him be!" said Samantha sternly.

"All right, my dearest. DUR-WOOD, you can stay, but only because my daughter wishes it," said the proud witch looking crossly at Darrin. "So does your tiny narrow-minded brain even you even know why we're here tonight?"

"We're here to honor Maurice He is the Warlock of the Year, Endora. Clara explained everything to me when she invited us," said Darrin as pleasantly as possible.

"If Clara invited you, THAT explains the goof-up in your invitation. AND you never get anything right. The award is the Warlock of the Millennium and is only given to the best of the best. And such a fine specimen of a warlock he is, too," Endora said looking over toward Maurice with admiration

"Why, Mother! Is something going on that I should know about?" asked Samantha cheekily.

"Nothing has changed between your father and me. I could never live with him again, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate him as the warlock he is," explained Endora.

"I have always admired his style, just not his temper or his sense of humor," admitted Darrin.

Endora looked back at Darrin. "YOU could never even contemplate what it takes to become the Warlock of the Millennium even if you could live to be a thousand years old," said Endora.

Darrin couldn't take anymore of his overbearing mother-in-law. "So how many Millenniums have you seen come and go?" asked Darrin almost seriously.

"OH, my stars! DARRIN!" screamed Samantha.

"Well, I..I..won't stay here for this!" said Endora who disappeared in a blaze of smoke and flame.

Darrin just stood there with his hand in front of his face not knowing what next to expect. He looked down and when he found that was still intact and gave a sigh of relief.

Samantha took his arm, held him tightly and looked up into his eyes lovingly. "It's a good thing you're not a two hundred pound artichoke now. What did you think you were doing?" asked Samantha.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I don't know what got into me. Your Mother just brings out the worst in me," admitted Darrin flatly.

"And you bring out the worst in her. Oh well, sweetheart. Let's try and enjoy the rest of the evening. So look at the bright side, she's gone!" said Samantha looking for a silver lining.

"What in Cicero's name was that all about?" cried Maurice across the room to where they stood nervously.

"Darrin made an observation that Mother took offense to and she left. That's all, Daddy," explained Samantha.

Maurice brightened up. "I knew there was something I liked about you, my boy!" said Maurice. He raised his hand and a solid gold cigar case appeared in his hand. "For you, for making this a much more festive evening. I thank you."

Darrin took the case, even though he didn't smoke anymore, and thanked his father-in-law. He didn't want any more trouble before the evening was over. He looked at the case and his eyes rolled up to the ceiling and he handed it to Samantha.

Samantha read, "To Darwin Stephens, from Maurice. Well, you did agree to that name dear," she chuckled and then kissed her husband. "At least It's not "DUR-wood. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha," she laughed sweetly.

Darrin's attention was then turned to the main entrance as trumpets sounded and four Indians carried in an enclosed chair with none other than Serena looking out through the curtains.

"Hel-l-l-lo all," she called out."Hello, hello, hello!" Serena climbed down as her chair bearers vanished without a sound.

Serena ran over to Samantha waving wildly. "Sammy! Hiya, cuz. How are you doing? Long time, no see! You look wonderful. And how are Tabitha and Adam? Where are they? I found the greatest little Indian Rock Band in New Delhi. Adam should use them at the Cosmo Cotillion. They would be a blast! I've been having more fun with the High Llama and Guru there. They're just loads of fun!"

"Hi Serena. Isn't the High Llama in Tibet?" asked Samantha.

"He will be! After we finish our game of croquet," said Serena laughing gleefully at her comment. Lowering her voice an octave she said, "Well look who's here. Don't you look absolutely ghastly. How are you doing, tall, dark and yeech?"

Darrin took a quick breath to calm himself. "Hello, Serena, You haven't changed a bit. Still as charming as ever," said Darrin with great restraint not wanting to be the victim of Serena's wraith.

"Watch it, buster!" warned Serena flashing her eyes.

"Now, Serena, please tell me about the Guru, and High Llama." asked Samantha leading her away from Darrin.

"This was a mistake. I could just feel it. I could just feel it," thought Darrin to himself.

"Oh, Dad," called out Tabitha, "You look like you could use this!" She handed him a drink with purple smoke pouring out of it.

"Thank you, Tabitha. I just keep running into one long forgotten nightmare after another. It's not that some of them aren't friendly; I just don't know went I may end up turned into a toad. I am getting that old worried feeling that crawls up and down my back not knowing who's behind me," explained Darrin.

"Would you like some eyes in the back of your head? Then you can see where you've been as well as where you're going. He-he-he-he-he." said a voice behind Darrin.

"Uncle Arthur!" Darrin said as he turned around.

"Hello, Darrin. Hi, Tabby. I saw what you did to the Wicked Old Witch. Not bad. I wish I had said it. So how is life in the mortal realm?" he asked.

Darrin took another big breath. "Well, business is good. Tabitha and I run the second largest advertising agency in the United States. Tabitha is handling several million dollars worth of accounts and I hope see can take over for me someday. Our stock is way up and the public seems bullish for..."

With one flick of his finger, Arthur popped a set of Texas Long-horns coming out of Darrin's head while he laughed with glee.

"Daddy!" cried Tabitha.

"What, what?" cried Darrin as he looked left and right and up and down without seeing anything. Then he placed his hand on his head and realized what had happened. "I knew something like this would happen. SAM!" cried out Darrin in a voice he had not used in many years.

Samantha turned away from Serena and exclaimed "Oh, my stars!" and hurried to Darrin's side with Serena giggling gleefully followed behind her.

Samantha waved her finger at her uncle. "Uncle Arthur, you undo that immediately." said Samantha with Darrin looking even more disturbed.

Arthur shrugged his shoulders with a very self-satisfied grin on his face. "I'm sorry. Sammy. I just couldn't help myself. He kept blowing his own horn. He-he-he-he. AND that's no bull. He-he-he-he! You can steak you're reputation on that. I guess I out flanked him. Get the point? He-he-he-he!" said Arthur very rapidly.

Samantha trying to hold back her amusement, pleaded again for him to change her husband back.

Serena broke in, "I'm next! I'm next! Let's play pin the tail on the mortal." Abovine tail appeared in her hand.

"SILENCE!" Maurice thundered across the crowd. "There will be no more of this nonsense TONIGHT! My son-in-law is Clara's guest and he will be treated as such. Unless any of you want to spend a week at the bottom of the Marianas Trench!"

Arthur removed the horns exclaiming "Party pooper."

Arthur and Serena both went off to a far corner of the room in a huff to find some other amusement.

"Well, who would have thought," said Darrin with a look of astonishment coming on his face.

"Look's like you made a friend tonight sweetheart. Daddy can be really rather sweet at times," said Samantha.

"And very unpredictable at others," concluded Darrin. "I should go over and thank him."

"Just leave well enough alone now. He probably didn't want the spotlight off of him," said Samantha wisely.

"Oh I'm so sorry, D-D-Darrin. I didn't think anything like that would happen to you. I so wanted this to be a nice little pleasant affair," said Aunt Clara running over to comfort her guests.

"Don't worry. I've had worst. It's quite a party and I'm having a ball. Uncle Arthur always had a weird sense of humor, but I'll let it pass," replied Darrin.

Clara's face brightened up. "Really, you are having a g-g-good time? That's wonderful. I am so pleased. Carry on children." said Clara as she walked away.

"Why, Darrin, that was awfully sweet of you. You made her very happy!" said Samantha as she kissed her hubby.

"May I have your attention, please!" announced Maurice booming over the crowd. Everyone turned toward him.Maurice took center stage. "I would like to thank you all for coming. I am humbly touched that you all are here tonight. I want to thank Clara for arranging our little get together. And especially for my lovelydaughter Samantha her husband and my two wonderful grandchildren for being here. And for other unnamed parties who have already left."

"I'm not far, Maurice, be warned.." called out Endora from some other place.

"Yes, as I was saying. The Warlock of the Millennium is a very prestigious award only given to the most gifted and talented individuals who show style and grace in their use of magic. It is greatly appreciated and may I add greatly deserved. The judges were both perceptive and correct."

"It's getting awful deep in here," whispered Darrin to Samantha who replied, "Shh!"

Maurice continued. "I think it was Francis Bacon who said to me of greatness: It is true greatness to have in one the fragility of a man and the security of a God. Or maybe Will Shakespeare who quoted me saying: Honor pricks me on. Yea, but how if honor prick me off when I come on -- how then?.."

Half an hour later Maurice finished with. "Not to run on I must conclude that all the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and entrances. Good night. Parting is such sweet sorrow. This I shall say good night till it be morrow. So kind witches and warlocks I bid you good night."

His cape, hat and cane appeared just before he vanished in smoke, fire and a few fireworks.

"What an exit!" exclaimed Samantha clasping her hands together.

"Way to go, grand-pa-pah!" cried out Tabitha.

"Show-off!" said Uncle Arthur. "Now I know why they call actors hams."

"I'm glad you held you tongue. Uncle Arthur or you might be at the bottom of the ocean right now," said Samantha.

"An ocean, huh. Now that's a notion. Bye, Sammy." said Uncle Arthur as he popped out.

"What was that all about?" asked Darrin with amazement on his face.

Samantha shrugged. "I wouldn't ask, but either Daddy or Arthur is in for a very wet time of it. Ready to head home, darling?" asked Samantha.

"Am I ever!" he exclaimed putting his drink down.

"Adam. Tabitha?" she inquired.

"No thanks, Mom. We're heading over to the Cotillion. Good night, Dad," she said as his children popped out.

After thanking Aunt Clara, Samantha and Darrin popped out too.

Later that night as they got ready for bed Darrin said, "Overall, I'd say we had a good time tonight. But that was a big enough dose of my in-laws to last me for sometime. Besides my favorite member of your family is right here."

"And my favorite mortal, too," replied Samantha.

Darrin smiled and reached over for his wife. "I love you, Sam. And that's no bull!"

Samantha giggled slightly, "Darling, I think we've had enough of that tonight." said Samantha as she leaned over kissing her husband. She twitched and the lights went out.

"SAM!" yelled Darrin. "Sam. Sam? OH SAMMMM!"

"Oh, Darrin!" she replied. "And besides, it was worth it! Oh, yes!"

THE END


End file.
